Broken Beauty!

broken

Throughout my life, there has been so many unfortunate events. So many that even today I question how I am who I am. That question in itself is a very difficult one, because I truly have no idea who I truly am. I know who my parents want me to be. I know what my husband expects me to be. I know what I have to be for my children, but I have completely lost sight of who I am for myself. At one point I was so close to it that if I just reached out I could touch it, and then life happened. Life happened OVER, AND OVER, AND OVER AGAIN. Now I am at a point in my life where I just live day by day. I live breath by breath, moment by moment. Some days are good, but most are just like the day before. Even as I am typing this, I am questioning every sentence. Im so unsure of myself. My biggest prayer is that I see myself as everyone around me does. Or how everyone use to anyway. Foreal, I dont even know how people see me right now. I want to see myself as GOD sees me. I wish God could just come sit beside me and tell me what I am suppose to do with my life. I have been praying and praying but right now God is so silent. I hear nothing. I feel nothing. I see him though. All around me, every day. My whole life is a blessing, my mom, dad, siblings, my wonderful husband, my beautiful daughter, and my unborn. It is literally in my FACE! But why am I still so unure of everything and still so unhappy. I dont know who will read this, but if you are a close friend or family member know that I see you and everything that you do for me. This all is just an internal battle that I am fighting with. Im thankful for you and am so appreciative. And please dont be offended that I havent come to you personally to tell you these feelings just never knew how to put it all into words.  Sorry that every time you ask me how am I, I say that im fine. From this day forward I am going to start living in my truth. I am not fine. I am broken, I am hurt, and above all I am so confused. I am confused because I should be happy. I should be the happiest woman alive. I should be proud of my scars. I have so much that most people pray for on a daily basis. I should be more grateful, but my soul is just tired. For so long I gave all of me to everyone. Now it is time for me to give to myself and I have nothing left to give. I cant continue like this. I am a BROKEN BEAUTY!